Painful Family Systems

We often grow up with the belief that siblings are meant to be our closest allies—our playmates, protectors, and lifelong friends. That expectation of connection makes sibling abuse particularly painful and confusing. When the bond is marked by cruelty instead of care, the impact can be profound and long-lasting.

Sibling trauma cuts deep because siblings are woven into the fabric of our development. They shape our sense of loyalty, competition, safety, and even our capacity for friendship. Yet abuse by a sibling is frequently minimised or ignored in families, dismissed as “just sibling rivalry,” or buried to preserve the image of a happy family.

But sibling trauma is real. It can take the form of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse. It may also include manipulation, bullying, deception, or alienation. Being entangled with a narcissistic sibling, for example, can be just as traumatic as growing up with a narcissistic parent—and can lead to trauma bonding, self-doubt, and confusion.

Signs You May Still Be Affected by Sibling Trauma

You might be carrying the imprint of sibling trauma if any of the following feel familiar:

• You feel anxious or overwhelmed before family events, yet skipping them brings deep sadness or grief.
• You despair knowing your sibling will never care for you the way you’ve longed for or the way you’ve cared for them.
• You struggle to trust others or form close, safe relationships.
• You’re drawn to narcissistic people—romantic partners, friends, or even bosses.
• You’ve become a caretaker or people-pleaser, often at your own expense.
• You doubt your feelings and second-guess your reality.
• You carry a sense of shame or believe everything is your fault.
• You live with low self-esteem, shaped by internalised messages of jealousy, criticism, or cruelty.
• You walk on eggshells in relationships and feel constantly on alert.
• You rely on avoidance, disconnection, or numbing behaviours to cope with painful memories.

So, How Do You Begin to Heal?

1. Acknowledge the truth of your experience.
   Recognising that what you went through was traumatic is the first courageous step. It wasn’t “nothing.” It mattered—and it still may be shaping your life.
2. Work with a safe, experienced therapist.
   Healing often begins in a space where your story is held with compassion, care, and curiosity. A skilled therapist can help you explore and process painful memories.
3. Use the body to release what words cannot.
   In Core Energetics body psychotherapy, we work with the emotional residue stored in the body. This may include grief, rage, or frozen survival responses that never had a safe outlet.
4. Regulate the nervous system through somatic work.
   Somatic interventions support your body to come out of survival mode—so you can feel safer, more grounded, and more connected to the present.
5. Uncover and transform limiting beliefs.
   We use insights from developmental psychology and characterology to gently dissolve old, unconscious beliefs that were formed in childhood—like “I’m unlovable” or “It’s always my fault.” These beliefs often drive repeated patterns and can even manifest as physical pain.
6. Build new ways of being.
   Healing includes learning to set boundaries, build confidence, and choose relationships that reflect your true worth—not the roles you had to play to survive.

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Healing Is Possible

It takes time. It takes tenderness. But healing from sibling trauma is absolutely possible.

To book a session: https://instituteofbodypsychotherapy.as.me/

Andrea Alexander offers body-centred psychotherapy with depth and care in Brisbane and the Sunshine Coast, or via Zoom.

Learn more about our core energetics therapy, somatic psychotherapy, group psychotherapy, core energetics training, core energetics techniques and workshops and how we can help you.